Weeds

 99% of the time I take notes the old-fashioned way i'm pen and paper girl at heart. I love everything about journaling from shopping for one to getting all my thoughts on paper. My praying life changed when I started write a lot of my prayers on paper 4years ago when i listen to a sermon online on how to connect with God through journaling. Im not a journalist but i love to write. Somehow I am more free honest with myself and with the Lord on paper.
 This is what I’d write in my journal today…

Few weeds I need to pull out of my life

Today is a second day of spring.I decided it was time to get out to yard and make it look more presentable because in couple months i will be trowing a birthday BBQ party out side for my boys. So i thought i should get an early start on it. While my 8 month old son Calvin doesn't know how to walk yet and it is to wet out for him to sit on the grass he sat in his stroller watching me. If you havent been to my house u have seen weeds and trust me when i say i needed the head start on it. We bought out house almost 2 years ago we were so busy remodeling the inside that we didnt make time for the outside.
    Little did i know how much i can learn from pulling out weed. I know how i want my first Garden to look like but before it will get there i knew it will take some work to pull out alot of old blackberry bushes with deep roots and sharp thorns. While i was working on my garden i thought of my inner garden and how that needed some clean up as well, so every long blackberry bush i pulled out i thought of few weeds that needed to be pulled out of my life... before i get to my beautiful inner garden i had a few pride weeds i needed to take care of...


sometimes....
-i am afraid to be joyful because i dont want others to think my life is perfect (pride)
-i want people to like me so i am willing to change for them (pride)
-i and afraid to speak sometime because i dont want to be criticized (pride)
-i get insecure when i am put together because people might think i consumed with the worldly things (pride)
-i constantly struggle how i am online because i dont want people to misunderstand me and think badly of me (pride)
-i feel guilty for all my gifts that i sometimes try to limit my self to one or the other.
-i scare my self from trying something new because i might fail or succeed and then lose interest in it and people might think im a failure (pride)
-i seek other parents APPROVAL on parenting (pride)
-i try to adopt other peoples style when clearly that's not me
-i feel like i need to explain/define my self to other why i do things the way i do (pride) 

Basically, I'm insecure of a lot of things i care way to much about what people think of me. IM CHOOSING MEN APPROVAL OVER GODS. As a whole, my garden looks pretty good, but when i do a closer inspection you can see where I’ve let the root of pride grow. I must invite the Holy Spirit to come in to my life to weed out my pride and plant God’s truth.

 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.     
                                                                                                      (2 Corinthians 10;5)